| Did you miss THDA?!? | |
| Yes... | |
| YES!?! | |
| YES!!! | |
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  Bonjour mes amis! So, you've found my secret stash again, have you? You're ready for more slanderous, sullying secrets of the boys TH? Lucky you, you have come to the right place. Mwa ha! And now, onto this week's betrayal...  The brothers Kaulitz: Identical or just Identically Devious? One soul in two bodies. Mirror images. Exact replicas. Deux peas in le pod. How could you all have fallen for such a farce?? Mes amis, I am truly disappointed in you. Mon dieu, if I had a new hand for every time someone thought the Kaulitz twins were actually identical, well... I would have more than one hand, n'est-ce pas? Tom and Bill identical? Don’t make me laugh! Ha! They are as fraternal as ze Olsen twins, and just as skinny, oui! They are identical as my right and left hands! They only started calling themselves “identical” after The Badger Incident Which Will Not Be Named put me on the streets and out of Devilish forever. Before I was booted from the band, I was the catch! I was the kick! I was the reason people came to see us play. Not the darling little twins with hearts of gold and pockets lined in Euros! Talent is what made us stars. My talent. Now?! Bah! They use their “identical” status as a marketing tool to win over the fangirls. Don’t make me puke! Le retch! Look close, s'il vous plait. I know their blinding beauty makes it tres difficile but I need you to try.  So young they were. I know it looks misleading. They do indeed have the same smile, but even I, George Listing, can smile like that. And those ears! You may be thinking, only identical twins could have such identically monstrous lobes. But, no! Tom actually had his ears surgically changed to resemble Bill’s in a super secret and shady operation when they were thirteen. He now wears hats to cover up the surgical scars. Ah yes, the conspiracy runs deep into the hearts and minds of every fangirl!  Smartly, Bill hides his face in shame. As he should! It is the crime of the century!! I expose their lies to you, in hopes that you will reject their tomfoolery and throw them onto the alter of shame and reinstate me as the King Supreme of all German Pop/Rock emo music!  I rest my case. They are clearly not identical. Bill est la femme et Tom est le lard. Their separate and unique DNA exposes itself to you! C'est vrais!! Join me next week for more gritty secrets about your, and my, favorite band, Tokio Hotel. MUA HA HA!! - Previous Secrets - 5/4/07 -- 5/11/07 
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